he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
