I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Operation Purity has been aborted
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
