Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
