his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
