I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
