Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
