i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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