I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
