walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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