Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
