This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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