yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
