i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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