Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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