The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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