Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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