Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
