I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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