I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
