she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
