Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
