I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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