Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
