If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
