Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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