is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize