Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
