I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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