the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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