If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
