i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
