dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I can text with my tongue
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
