I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think my moral compass just broke
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize