DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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