Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We are all done wearing pants today
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
