no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
