apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize