he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
