So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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