So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize