guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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