see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
