my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
