Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
