I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
