I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize