so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize