If that was your dad, he is hot
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She needs sedatives and a leash
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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