I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
