8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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