I'm drive I can fine osifer
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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