apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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