They should really pass out barf bags in church
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
