he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
