I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
