Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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