She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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