see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
