Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
