my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We are two peas in an std pod
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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