Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
