He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
