I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
