she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
