Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
